More About Me. Thank You for Listening.

I don’t remember hesitating much before writing anything on this blog, so today — this post-writing — surprises me. I struggle to find words and it seems like a defeat. Truth be told, though, it shouldn’t be so much of a surprise because I have been struggling with what they call a writer’s block for what seems like forever. I have written some blog posts, of course, and a few odd emails I think about with a smile, but they don’t satisfy this endless, now-shuddering, now-shivering gong I have going on in my head. It keeps gonging! Write, write, write! it says. I pick up my fingers, my pens, pencils, my daughter’s crayons, even, but nothing seems to work. This damn block is a heavy one.

The character, a woman (surprise!), is a struggler like me. She doesn’t quite know what she wants, she hasn’t achieved much by way of awards and narratable experiences, but there is a fire in her she can’t describe and it keeps her seeking for something that will quench her thirst, if only for a short while. That seems like a workable character for a decent story, doesn’t it? But the story keeps bloody changing before I try to write it! Frustration, annoyance, frustration, annoyance. Arrrgh.

My trusty soundboard for story-writing stuff is busy. Not that had he been around I’d have begun writing, but I could have at least sounded the board and silenced the gong for a bit.

Not all struggle is in vain, though, dear reader. I have scaled a treacherous summit in the meantime. From here, I can see people doing their work and achieving things, travelling to my kind of places, having my kind of conversations, sipping my cup of tea, and it no longer makes me want to pull off my hair and wonder what happened to my existence. I am no longer very jealous. I useΒ veryΒ because this summit has hypnotising precipices that occasionally pipe the piper’s tune. But I am generally safe, so I can proudly stand on a steeple (summit, if you will), and cry out with glee — “I look within, you other beings of this world!”

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21 thoughts on “More About Me. Thank You for Listening.”

    1. Thank you, Thomas, for the faith and the affirmation that I am not the only one with such, well, less than displayable problems. Here’s hoping the passage of time passes quickly!

  1. The thing about the treacherous summit is that you can see what everyone else is doing, but there’s no mirror to remind you of your own accomplishments. I won’t say “Don’t give up,” just because I know you won’t.

  2. Gongs gonging, stories changing before they can be written, words eluding grasp–I know these feelings too. Good for you, for hanging with it, for continuing to strive and to write. Keep it up!

    1. The biggest fear is, Kevin, (and I just discovered it after reading your comment), that I may not hang with it and later find myself kicking myself for it for the rest of my life. Don’t like the sound of that!

  3. Priya, you are a beautiful writer, and I wish that you will always find the faith to believe in yourself. Life, to me, is not a series of summits or valleys — rather it’s a winding path. Maybe we have these different views based on our cultures (hierarchies and equalities and desires face quite varied expressions around the world), but if you think of yourself at the top you may very well feel the teetering, as you’ve mentioned. Rather, if you look at yourself as on a long path, you might just be right where you’re supposed to be, and that is wonderful. You have so many gifts, my friend, not the least of which is to question, and stir questions in others. Thanks for the thought-provoking post! (And tell me more about that darling of yours with the crayons.) πŸ™‚

    1. Ah, she is a delightful little bird. She keeps us both (and the dogs, too!) on our toes. Her latest accomplishment is that she’s begun correctly pronouncing her own name. So, whenever she feels like it, she daintily touches her heart and says, “Bela” in the most beautiful way possible. And delights us, of course.
      You are an accomplished traveller, Melissa. Be it winding paths or an occasional bump (if not a mountain), I am certain you walk your walk with a smile, and your head held high. There is so much to learn from you!
      I visited your blog and read about Celebri-Dot. It immediately took me back to the time we first got introduced two (or was it three!?) years back. So much has happened in this time and you remain the same — the one I admire for the things you do, and the way you do them. Beautiful.

      1. My dear Miss Priya, I am humbled into silence by the loveliness of your comment. I feel the same about you, and I am so glad we have become friends through our blogs, our writing and our hopes and dreams. Bela sounds so darling, please give her a hug from me!

  4. Oh, Priya, worry not for this is just a little hiccup along the way! Your writings are so vivid and descriptive, one can actually experience the various sensations. Never surrender! Hugs for the owner of the crayons.. πŸ™‚

    1. I go through these phases where I feel I am probably as good as my lovely readers tell me I am. Thankfully, I am going through one such phase, and it feels good! Thank you, Mal.

      The crayons owner has graduated to tempera paints. OOh, such a joy! Don’t forget to be careful, lest her coloured fingers colour you while she hugs you back.

  5. I am back, and its lovely to see a post from you – though it could be of any mood. You are great at what you do, Priya – that is writing… I know you will keep doing it, even if there be breaks few and far between πŸ™‚

    I hope I start writing too. Lets see.

    1. The mood was frustration. It ranges between frustration and anger. Ha ha. The breaks are too far off. Gotta shrink the gap.

      Cook well, bride. And hey! Gimme some of it, somehow!

  6. Priya, my friend, I have been so remiss in keeping up with my blogging community. My Reader has grown so full that I can’t seem to keep pace with new entries. It occurred to me that maybe I need to quite scrolling and just pop in on my favorites, the ones I haven’t seen in the Reader for a while. I was getting plumb worried about you, it had been so long. Illness? Family issues? Life changes? What’s happened to my Priya? I am relieved to discover that you’re still here, still struggling to perfect the nearly perfect. I wish I had one ounce of that creativity floating around in your head, tripping up your stride and confusing your sense of direction. I have no words of advice. I have only my sincerest hope that you will soon find that bit of magic that lives within you. Drink another cup of tea, gaze upon your dear daughter, and love yourself as the rest of the world loves you.

  7. It amazes me how you can write with such insight during a “writer’s block”. I have my moments – mainly because I’m attempting so many things at one point that it renders me with the inability to stay focused on a piece/story/post.

    But you, Priya, will rediscover your muse. And perhaps your main character need not be a woman. πŸ˜‰

    Good luck with the tale and let me know how it ends.

    – Nel

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