It isn’t a joke, even when you haven’t even touched the graveness of a real disorder. Panic, the emotion, toys around with every part of your body without your permission, and mostly without you ever knowing what hit you. The silly thing is that it normally afflicts you when you deserve to be happy and carefree. It enters your system because you are so happy, you do not want the feeling to end. That it might end, the possibility, makes you realise you can, after all, lose grip and begin to imagine the worst.
And then let it go downhill from there.
To be able to get over the feeling of the ground being ripped off from under your feet even as the blue sky is falling on your head is, as you can imagine, a difficult task. But to let it become a habit and then live either as if the calamity is bound to happen, or wear safety harnesses on firm ground and under clear blue, un-falling sky would be hilarious. And tiresome. So, what do you do?
Binge eat. Yes, that’s a solution. The smooth flow of luxurious nutrition will give you all the harnesses you need, and wings as bonus. The more unhealthy you become because of it, however, the more difficult it will be to escape disintegrating landscapes around you. If they do disintegrate. But at least then your panic will not be entirely baseless and you will have justified it. But what if the world doesn’t disintegrate? Who will wear the neon green bikini on Bondi Beach? The solution of responding to your panicked eating-cells isn’t a solution at all, then.
Perhaps you could distract yourself by letting the others have a taste of your panic and disorientation and anger? The more they respond to it in their own ways, the more time you’ll spend away from the reason of your panic, and hence, perhaps, forget all about it! What fun. And while the bridges burn and gardens desiccate, you can sit and look at your creation. The trouble is, though, that you might have to change your entire perspective about scenery and beautiful vistas. Unless, of course, you like the smell of burnt wood and dying friendships.
So, what do you do?
Breathe in. Feel the air fill your empty head. Let it dissolve that emptiness in its atoms. And then breathe out. Now, try to think. If you do manage to reach this stage, you’ve done it, my friend!
Note to the reader:
If you have been reading the blog posts I have written in the last two years, you’ll know that I had a specific format for beginning my posts on Emotions. If you don’t, read to remember from now on. For now, let me let you know that I have changed that format because I no longer think it is cool. I am now a maturer and mellower person until I become even more of it. If you wish to find out more about my launchpad that landed me here, visit the following pages.
In the order of appearance: