Let Me Be

Here’s another of my very old notes. The picture is not so old. It was taken last year during Diwali — the festival of lights. The photographer had had a drink too many, the light was dim, and it resulted in a masterpiece of a photo: Me and Moti. But this post is actually about what’s written below.

If this feeling of uncertainty about myself did not overwhelm me so much, Iโ€™d feel less hassled with peopleโ€™s impressions of me. The more I drown myself in self-admonishment, the more I pave way for others to invade my well being.

This post was first published on November 2, 2010. Here’s the link. Like in all my old posts, the image here has been added very recently. If this reblogging is too quick for your taste and time, do accommodate! This phase won’t last forever.

22 thoughts on “Let Me Be”

  1. I remember the original post. Have your feelings changed in the nine months since you first wrote it?

    I’m not sure about your face, but I think Moti may have had a drink too many, also.

    1. I am certainly more sure-footed, Charles, but can’t say the feelings have changed.

      I now see what you mean! Yes, he does look a little sloshed, doesn’t he? It makes the picture even more interesting, I’d say.

  2. Just as it takes an effort to play nice – it takes effort to hear compliments and claim our talents. It is far easier to be hard on ourselves, while welcoming the harshness of others.

    I love the picture.

    Be kind to yourself. others will follow.

    1. Right you are, Lenore. It takes some effort to ‘claim our talents’ like you put it. There’s always the thought of being too sure of the talent, teetering towards vanity, fear of making a fool of yourself if it wasn’t a talent after all….

      I have never had to look too hard for kindness, Lenore. It must be my luck that empathic people flock around. Thank you, as always, for your kind thoughts and deep understanding.

  3. Have you made new discoveries about yourself since then, Priya? That’s what such vulnerability can do to oneself. Being that way isn’t such a bad thing unless it does make you start seeing yourself through the eyes of others.

    1. Oh the discoveries I’ve made, Jean! The most crucial is that more often than not, it is I, who keeps me from flying. I’ve had trouble with social norms ever since I can remember — I’ve never been able see sense in most, and feel guilty for the longest time if I dump them in a garbage bin. The horror of hurting sentiments debilitates me effectively for weeks, months, even years.

      My dichotomy was never about what the others would think, it’s always been about what I’d think, if I let myself down.

      “Seeing yourself through the eyes of the others” is what I’ve been trying to learn. It might ease my sense of inadequacy to meet my own standards a little. Or would it?

      I love seeing you here, Jean. Thank you.

      1. Perhaps your standards are too high? Or, perhaps the thing is to always work at reaching them, knowing that you might not get there – but the journey is instructive! I think we don’t realize that throughout a day, we’ve often done things that are quite admirable. It’s too bad we pay more attention to the ways we get it wrong, rather than the ways we get it right.

        1. I know what you’re saying, Jean. I hope we all remember that we do, in fact, do good things, that we get it right often. Thank you for the reminder.

    1. I love it, too, Rosie! It showcases my spirit pretty well. And the lines, well, they mean much to me, too. Thank you for your time and appreciation.

  4. Love the picture…won’t comment on the lines, because I’m pretty confused these days, myself. Thanks for your mail, and your wishes. Appreciate them loads…will write back soon, as soon as I can breathe ๐Ÿ™‚

    1. Thank you, Damyanti, for taking out the time.

      I am not going to send you an email to wish you restored breathing, though, I am sure you’ll get on quite all right! ๐Ÿ™‚

  5. Do I know what others think of me? I don’t always know. Therefore, I have no choice but to trust that being myself is the high road. Because we teach people how to treat us, it really is necessary to respect oneself. When I have been down, I’ve been amazed by the tendency of some to give that little kick instead of a helping hand.

    Some people cannot bear seeing a stronger person flounder so scurry away. Some are pleased. The best of friends help us up.

    I love the photo, Priya.

    1. “The best of friends help us up.” Yes, Amy. That is what makes them special, too.

      Weaknesses are not easy to experience for most. And the weakest of all do scurry, no matter the source of the floundering.

      Thank you, yet again, for your pithy words.

  6. It takes a long time for us to come into our own selves, Priya… and to get rid of the feelings you’ve got takes different experiences that strengthen us. Hugs, if you need them.

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